He Never Hit Me

I did not understand for years that I was being abused. Have a listen to this video where I explain some of the abuse he used with me. I hope it will be helpful to you. If you would like to read the transcription please find it below the video.

Well, no my narcissistic partner never hit me but I knew he was scary and I did not know what he was capable of. I saw the ugly side of him and how he could turn at the drop of a hat. He could become angry over seemly nothing. 

One day he flew into a rage about me turning the burner on the stove down because the food was going to burn. Another time I remember he got very angry when I changed the radio station in the car, but what was worse was his quiet kind of rage. He would not even raise his voice yet his anger was palatable. 

He had the ability to remain calm in arguments which he used as a weapon to push me over the edge even having a grin on his face or no expression, as he spewed his vile words out at me. His aggressive repertoire of tactics included sarcasm, openly laughing at me, mimicking me, cutting remarks, using a low volume and twisting what I said to him making me feel what I said was absurd or I would feel my blood boil in response to his subtle tactics. 

It took me years to figure out what was happening and he genuinely believed there was nothing wrong with his abusive behavior and I was the one who was crazy saying to me “what the hell is wrong with you? Or ” you blow up about everything.” 

He could be relentless and mean. I would describe him as vicious and I wondered if his psychological abuse would go further. Then I would think I was over-reacting and would downplay his cruel behavior. I did not even know his behavior was abusive. 

He had done these things to me during the course of our relationship:

• blocked my way out of a room so I could not get out
• raised his fist as if he were going to hit him
• shoved me
• poked me with his finger
• threatened to hurt me

These behaviors are already violence. He was already verbally abusive to me. Threats of bodily harm are physical abuse and although he gas-lighted me, telling me it never happened, I eventually got that it did happen, and I was not crazy. 

I needed help to figure this out. I found some and this was a step on my healing path. If you find yourself in this or a similar situation, get some guidance and direction with a therapist, or family or friends. I had a hard time reaching out for help, of course since I had no idea it was with a malignant narcissistic. You can always call a Domestic Violence Hotline where they have trained counselors to help and give you direction. 

Even if your partner has never hit you as long as he has put fear in you, it is still violence. 

Much love to you

Debbi