Does The Narcissist Know What He is Doing?

So this is an interesting topic and one I had wanted an answer to for many years. This blog is about “does the narcissist know what he is doing?”

Here is a video where I explain whether or not a narcissist knows what he is doing. The written version is below the video.

For a long time, during my relationship with my narcissistic partner, I did not believe he was intentionally doing any of this cruel behavior. 

Have you been tempted to believe the narcissist doesn’t know what he’s doing? If you aren’t sure that their behavior is intentional, we will talk about narcissistic behaviors that tell you they consciously choose their actions. 

 It is up to you to decide for yourself, but we will discuss whether or not the narcissistic abuse is intentional. Then, hopefully, you will be able to determine if the narcissist knows what he’s doing and if he understands that what he’s doing is abusive. Is the behavior he displays with you and others manipulative and controlling? Does he use these behaviors to dominate you and others? 

So let’s say that the narcissist doesn’t know what he is doing. The second that somebody points out to him that his behavior is wrong and inappropriate or his words are cruel, a person who is not narcissistic would stop and look at what they are being told. 

Especially when the person has been told directly, “I don’t like it when you do that.” Someone who is not narcissistic would never do it again. There is no way a narcissist would never have been told, throughout his life, that what he is doing is wrong, is abusive, manipulative, or controlling. 

And, yes, the narcissist is aware that his behavior is inappropriate at the bare minimum. 

So here are a few ways you can tell if the narcissist knows what he’s doing is abusive.  

Number one: They’re going to choose their victim very carefully. They will look to see if they would be able to get a supply from them. They want a particular type of person to get their energy from. 

Number two: You can tell that it’s intentional or not is if they change their behavior based on who’s around. He may be down one day and up the next, and his behavior varies according to his moods. So he reacts according to who’s around. Watch how quickly he can turn on and off depending on who is present. You can tell it’s intentional because he’s adjusting to the situation and who is watching him. 

There’s no way for somebody who’s not intentional to do that because, for example, if I’m feeling unhappy and it will not matter who is around, I am still unhappy. 

The narcissist is going to change based on how he perceives he looks to others. Watch the narcissist facial expressions. This is a dead giveaway you’re dealing with a narcissist and that they know what they’re doing.

They will have a specific smirk on their face. I remember this well with my ex narcissistic partner. They can’t help themselves doing this. 

So when you see that smirk, it’s intentional. There’s no other reason somebody would do this unless it is because they know that they’ve gotten away with something.

You’re going to notice that there are very calculated situations. Specific scenarios are set up for them to appear in a good light. They have calculated and arranged the situation deliberately. 

Number three: The narcissist cannot help but gaslight. Gaslighting will be another key that they know what they’re doing. They are going to deny what is going on because they know that if they admitted to it being wrong, they would have to stop or change it. 

So they are inclined to cover it up and not take responsibility for their actions because they don’t want to change. They know what they’re doing is wrong and choose not to change. Gaslighting is a huge red flag of a narcissist, no healthy person does that to another person. 

If you see that the narcissist is adamant that something never happened, and of course it did, you’re going to know the narcissist is not only doing it on purpose. He’s hoping that you’re going to buy into the lie and side with him. This is because he thinks he has done such a great job of explaining the situation you side with him. 

So does the narcissist know what he is doing is wrong?

Yes, they do, and they are doing it on purpose.

They also know that in order to live and to function they need energy outside themselves.

I hope you found this helpful. It can be quite a shock to learn that the narcissist is doing what he is doing knowing it is wrong. They absolutely know.

Please find other information on my website including h a Free eBook, ” 6 Steps to Recover From Narcissistic Abuse”. 

Reach out to me if you have any questions or would like to talk to me about healing from the abuse you have suffered. I am here to help you. 

Love to you

Debbi