Don’t Give Your Power Away To A Narcissist
The important message is not to give your power away to a narcissist or anyone else in your life.
Have a listen to this video where I talk about not giving your power away to anyone especially a narcissist. If you would like to read the blog post please look below the video.
Perhaps, we might not even be aware that we’re giving our power away.
First,
- we’ll discuss the key to not giving away our power
- then, what it looks like to give your power away
- And finally, we will then look at tips on how not to give our power away.
Think about a recent time when someone did something or said something to you that was nasty, mean, or cruel. How did it make you feel? And how did you react or respond to whatever they did or said initially? How did you feel later about it?
If you got provoked by something they did or said, you had some emotional reaction. For example, you might have felt good initially, but later, you felt terrible. You gave your power away by giving them the emotional response. Usually the emotional response they wanted and provoked you into having.
That’s how we give our power away. We allow another person to steal our emotional states.
Here are some signs that you’ve given away your power.
Going over and over what happened in your mind.
You had an altercation with the narcissist in your life. You are going over the conversation or the interaction in your mind. What you said, what they said or did, what you did right. It’s constantly in your mind. You find you can’t even sleep sometimes because you keep thinking about it.
A lot of your energy is going to what your thoughts and your emotions are focused on. You are sending energy in that direction. This is giving away your power. You might have noticed you were fighting with them in your mind at various times throughout your day. You could be justifying yourself or rationalizing your view. This is a common way of giving your power away when your emotional state gets stolen.
You might have been feeling terrific, and you have an altercation with someone but let’s say it was a narcissist. Unfortunately, you feel knocked right off balance when this happens and end up feeling down. It may even take you hours to get back to your original higher vibration.
This altercation may have caused you to feel anxious or angry, and you can’t seem to focus on anything else. You may not be able to identify what is causing these feelings, and you can’t quite articulate it.
Another sign you have given your power away is you are fantasizing about getting revenge.
Again, it may seem like getting revenge would be a great thing, but it also gives your power away. You will probably regret it as well. It is stepping out of your integrity. You wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing, but you have allowed those emotions to take you over. You may think that having revenge against someone will give you strength, but it is a weakness when you react this way and provide the narcissist with a negative narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic supply can be positive or negative.
In the positive light, it’s during that idealization phase( when they are reeling you in with their love-bombing technique). The narcissist flatters you with words and actions to show you things how incredible, lovely, intelligent, sexy, and attractive you are.
The negative supply is during the devaluation phase I when you are hooked into the relationship and they start their character assassination to break you). The narcissist puts you down in any way they can. They’re provoking you and trying to get a rise out of you. When you react emotionally, maybe even lose your shit on them, you are giving them a narcissistic supply. They want this. It feeds them what they need to survive.
Another way you can give away your power is defending yourself.
So you say something, and the narcissist says it back to you or to another person. So you say no, that’s not what I meant at all. So you do your best to clarify your words. The narcissist completely dismisses what you say and insists on continuing with their twisted version of what you have said. You attempt to defend yourself, and it goes back and forth.
This defending and justifying yourself with the narcissist causes you to lose a lot of your power.
One of the biggest tricks that the manipulator will use is to put you on the defensive. You approach them with an issue that you have with their behavior and they flip it around.
So, for example, they say things like this:
- your skirt is too short considering your age
- have you considered using some make-up
- you look good but maybe if you lost 20 pounds you would look great
If you get caught up in these conversations, you forget about the real issue and end up giving your power away.
The bottom line is you know you’ve given your power away if you feel like a victim.
You can even apply this in the political world. When you feel like the victim of a politician or a situation you have given your power away. This is particularly evident in what is happening in our world currently.
But there’s no strength when you’ve given your power away.
A key to maintaining your power and taking your power back is self-control.
What that means is ultimately about emotional neutrality. What does this mean?
The narcissist will try their best to provoke you and get you to react, but you must do your best not to react. If you remain emotionally neutral, ( keep your cool) the narcissist will become angry.
You might have heard of the term gray rock technique when dealing with a narcissist, which means you have as much reaction as a rock. You show no emotion, and the narcissist disengages because they are getting nothing – no narcissistic supply, and it is not fun for them. They stop trying to get you to react and lose self-control as you don’t give them what they need.
Another thing you can do is to walk away.
You can try your best to have a normal conversation with this person, but you will find out (you probably already know) that it is impossible. You will only give them the negative narcissistic supply they crave if you get pulled into it and react.
If you lower yourself to their level and respond with hurtful words or actions which are the same things they do to you, it does not make you right. It makes you both wrong.
I hope you found this helpful.
It is so important to keep our power and not give it away to anyone. We are incredibly powerful beings and we can use our power to change our life and the world.
If you would like to leave a comment please do or if you have decided it is time to finally heal from your pain and feel stuck I am here to help you. You can reach out via Instagram or Facebook as well. I offer 1:1 consultations and healing sessions. Find the details here on the website.
Much love to you
Debbi