How Malignant Narcissists Get Away With Their Evil Deeds

Here is the video version. If you would like to read the post, please see below the video.

Malignant Narcissists seem to be magicians, but in reality, they are master manipulators.

They get away with so much because they don’t just manipulate the people targeted. They manipulate everyone.

This is important to recognize because the Narcissist’s behavior is often considered an individual problem when it is a societal problem.

This doesn’t mean that the damage they inflict doesn’t affect individuals. I was in an abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist and can vow that it is very real. Abusive relationships can have devastating consequences that can cause harm to us for years and even cost us parts of ourselves that we will never get back.

You can not simply get over the abuse you suffered by saying you understand how it happened. 

It will help to educate yourself on Narcissistic Abuse, but you can not truly heal unless you heal from within. Therefore, recovering from narcissistic abuse must be done on all levels – spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical- to completely heal.

Once we know this, we can heal and reach out to help other survivors find the truth, leave their partners and show them how we recovered. 

Interesting that there are few resources. Why is that? 

When I was trying to find resources on Narcissistic Abuse to help me, I could find very few. Why is that? Because there is a general lack of awareness of what Narcissistic Abuse is.

But why is that?

Because until we can also attack the problem by creating a more informed public about how narcissists abuse, control, and seduce victims, survivors will continue to lack the resources they need within the mental health system and the criminal justice system. 

And the number of victims will continue to rise.

There are already 158 million in the U.S. alone and counting ( 2010), including those abused within all types of relationships, according to trauma therapist Bree Bonchay.

So how do narcissists get away with it? Why are they so successful at hiding the abuse to the point that it is almost invisible?

Reasons Why Narcissists Get Away with Evil Deeds

Misconceptions persist about what narcissists are.

Some people don’t understand what a “Narcissist is.”. It can be easy for those not familiar with the more psychological aspects of these concepts to assume we are just talking about people who take many selfies or those loud, self-absorbed people who believe that the world revolves around them.

In other words, using those terms to explain a form of abuse can be a distraction, but there are no additional terms to describe Narcissistic Abuse.

The severe and sinister nature of the abuse becomes lost in the misconceptions of the necessary but unfortunate terms to describe it. 

Most people believe that others are good. 

This is how I thought. This belief is part of the social norm. We believe in cooperation because, without it, there is no society. We establish our basic boundaries, yet we learn to trust that most people, until proven otherwise, are generally living their lives doing the least harm possible to others according to their standards. Those standards most likely overlap with ours when we live in the same culture. Even if not, there is some basic idea of what being human means that we all share.

Those things might include: 

When you tell someone something, you are telling them the truth, not counting the white lies we all speak, like “you look good in that dress.”

Also, when we make mistakes and hurt others, we have remorse for what we’ve done and try to correct those mistakes so, in the future, we don’t hurt others to benefit ourselves. But unfortunately, we survivors are like everyone else and have been taken advantage of because of this belief. 

Narcissists can continue to abuse people because we have a hard time believing that others may not share the value of doing the least amount of harm possible to get ahead. And when we meet someone who seems a little off, we don’t trust our intuition. Instead, we trust our belief system.

People believe they aren’t vulnerable or that they’re too smart to be taken advantage of by a Narcissist.

That’s why narcissists are so successful at their exploitation. People who have never been through it don’t believe narcissists exist, don’t understand what that means, or think they’d never fall for anything they do, that only certain types of people get involved with narcissists. 

In other words, what defines people involved with narcissists is that they were involved with narcissists. They come from all walks of life–all education levels, all races, genders, ages, family backgrounds, mental health backgrounds, and social backgrounds. 

One of the reasons why this is possible is because narcissists behave in a systematic pattern while in relationships. 

In the beginning, the love bombing feels like ecstasy. 

It pulls you into the illusion and knocks you off your feet. It feels like nothing you have ever experienced in a relationship.

But then the lying, the controlling, the manipulating, the gas-lighting, and the cheating starts. Cheating in a Narcissistic relationship is not like any other cheating. Instead, it can be very elaborate, carrying on double lives, even triple lives. These lives may involve being engaged, married, or living with many other partners, all at the same time.

In addition, the Narcissist may use elaborate covers such as careers that involve business trips, frequent unplanned travel to foreign lands, and staying away for extended periods for ” business reasons.”

After trust has been established, the Malignant Narcissist can ask for large sums of money to start business ventures or even to finance lives with other people on the side. In addition, they can be involved in prostitution rings, child pornography, the dark web, and other criminal activities. Malignant Narcissists often can have drug and alcohol habits to support. These behaviors are all hidden from us as they are masters of deception. We don’t see them because they are nothing we would ever think to do or behave like.

They smother, isolate, monitor and abuse, always doing what they want. They come and go as they please and drain you slowly, one drop at a time, making you think the decisions are yours, but they are not, and you have been cleverly manipulated over time.

Victims don’t choose to get involved with Narcissists. 

You are recruited into a dangerous game of psychological warfare. One of the traits Narcissists have is that they lack empathy. 

This works in two ways to benefit Narcissists. 

First, it works in partnership with how we give people the benefit of the doubt and believe others are good. We also tend to be empathetic to them. This is all part of being human, and this all fits together. 

Narcissists appear charming and always know what to say and do. But unfortunately, they use these traits to take advantage of their victims to get away with their actions. 

Second, how Narcissists treat the victim makes the victim look unstable, making it difficult to understand or empathize with the victim.

In other words, the Narcissist uses empathy against others, including the victim, and how the Narcissist makes the victim look unstable is a passive way the abuse works against the victim to help the abuser and hurt the victim.

Here are a few examples:

• Narcissists are masters at playing the victim with everyone in their lives to excuse the things that they have done wrong. They may provoke the victim into a public argument to take the focus off themselves.
• Narcissists are willing to do anything to save face and not reveal who they truly are. This can include telling lies, revealing the victims’ secrets, and feigning concern. Often the victims defend the abuser and hide or lie about their abusive behavior to protect them. The Narcissist brainwashes us to empathize with their sad tales of having been wronged or that they have changed. 
• Narcissists can appear calm in upsetting situations because they are emotionally detached, yet their victims seem deranged because they’ve been emotionally abused for months or years in unspeakable ways.  
• Victims often believe everyone deserves a second chance and project that they have empathy onto the Narcissist. The more outrageous the Narcissist’s behavior becomes, the harder the victim tries to deny the truth because it’s scary to believe that the deception runs that deep and is so evil. This can entrench the partner even deeper into the relationship and further away from supportive people.

This means our behavior does not appear to make sense from an outsider’s perspective because the Narcissist has manipulated us into acting on their behalf and not ours. Meanwhile, the Narcissist always acts on their behalf resulting in emotions and actions that appear consistent to others. The Narcissist knows full well that their behavior would appear inconsistent and will lie to maintain a particular facade. 

I used to hold many of these beliefs and paid a high price for those misconceptions. Unfortunately, we are harmed tremendously by these misconceptions, and narcissists are the only ones who benefit from these lies.

I hope this opens your eyes to how Narcissists get away with the evil deeds they do with us and others. But, of course, you know exactly what I mean if you are in a relationship with a Narcissist. 

Book a session with me if you want to move on from your pain and heal.

I am here to help. I have been through it all and figured out how to truly heal from Narcissistic Abuse. 

By healing, you help yourself and humanity, raising the frequency of yourself, humanity, and the planet.

Much Love

Debbi