Narcissists and Sex? How Narcissists Use Sex Against You

We’re going to be looking at how narcissists hide behind sex to avoid intimacy. How they use sex to control us.

Here is a video I made to explain Narcissists and Sex. It is a big nightmare, believe me, I have been through it. Have a listen. If you would like to read about this look below the video.

There is a dark side when you are having sex with a narcissist.

  • narcissists use sex to avoid intimacy
  • narcissists are incredibly emotionally shallow 
  • narcissists have a poor ability to connect

Narcissists can only pretend to connect, and for many people, sexual connection feels like the epitome of intimacy and love.

A narcissist can fake intimacy and love through sexual connection and hook people in. They can hide behind sex.

They’re not capable of showing up as real loving human beings with a connection to their Higher Self. This makes it impossible to have a truly intimate and honest relationship. There’s no true self for you to see, and what there is in there is a damaged disowned Inner being.

Their Inner Self is profoundly insecure and damaged. They never want you to see that because their entire life and production are fake. It’s not real and if you mess up that script, you will see the narcissistic rage and abandonment. 

The narcissist uses sex to control you. The same way they disown their true self. It is hard to understand but they have zero interest in you, your heart, or your spirit.

How They Hook You In

They may pretend at the beginning of your relationship to be interested in hooking you in. You are an object to manipulate and get narcissistic supply and resources from for them. This means the stuff that’s going to feed their ego, their significance, and their false identity.

Sex is a very powerful way that a narcissist can do this. They want to be in control of your thoughts and your actions. They want to be the center of your universe so that you keep granting them the attention, the resources, and the stuff that can feed their insatiable self, their desperate need for significance. 

This is what narcissists do if you’re not effectively doing this enough then they will punish you and dump their tormented inner self on you and blame you for not handing over enough attention, significance or stuff. In other words narcissistic supply.

Sex is a highly effective way to regulate narcissistic supply and punishment, which means controlling you. 

A more overtly sexual narcissist will demand sex constantly, and they may threaten you with leaving you or moving on if you’re not handing it over.

You’re going to feel like an object. You feel like the sex, no matter how well it’s wrapped up and presented, will feel detached and unemotional. You will feel like the narcissist is more interested in your body parts than you. They may make name references to your body parts or grab them and they may position the relationship all around sex.

This type of narcissistic person is probably a sex addict. This narcissist gets supply mostly from sex, and it’s also very likely that they’re interested in things like porn or sexual practices and attention outside of the relationship.

If you’ve got a greater sexual appetite, the narcissist may withhold sex from you to punish you, control, demean you, and reduce your self-esteem.

With the overtly sexual narcissist or the narcissist that’s withholding, your self-esteem is getting trashed. You end up feeling like either you’re dehumanized and objectified. You may also feel like you are unattractive or not good enough to have sex. You may feel insecure about being replaced or that the narcissist is going to go elsewhere.

The narcissist does what hurts you.

Whatever you have not healed in your life, you will discover the narcissist will zone in on whether it is not feeling good enough, feeling unloved, having past trauma. 

There’s no real person in there, and they’re acting out and playing out narcissistic supply and punishment, and sex is some of the top ways that they do that.

Either way, with the withholding narcissist or the overt sex addict narcissist, it can be devastating to discover they are involved with other people outside of the relationship. The narcissist may even be triangulating you with them, keeping you apart. 

There’s an even darker side that can go with narcissistic sex, and this is where narcissists can use sex for sadomasochistic purposes to hurt you.

So if a narcissist is harboring many unhealed wounds and internal rage, this can come out in nasty sex. This could be things like revenge sex where they’re going to run off with a prostitute or your best friend or do something horrible, threatening you with abandonment and replacement.

If you don’t perform certain acts or allow them to indulge in their sadistic pleasures. This could be things like threesomes, swinging or maybe they’ll sell polygamy to you. But, on the other hand, it could be something that feels completely wrong for you. 

The thing is you might feel so insecure and so traumatized that you feel like you don’t have a choice and give in to the devil. 

I have been through all of this stuff. There’s are processes to heal yourself I cannot recommend enough.

These healing modalities get you up and out of that trauma in a healthy sacred way. It’s so important always to treat your body as a holy temple.

From the spiritual point of view, we take on other people’s energy in a powerful way after having sex with them. A connection of bodies and alchemy can be beautiful and healthy, bringing us closer to creation and love. But it can also spiral us down into a place of power and self-destruction when narcissists parasitically feed on us. So you know it’s not about being sexually repressed.

These healings are about taking your life force back, and sex has a lot to do with that, especially after being narcissistically abused.

We want to get to a sexual union that is goodly and godly and life-affirming that brings us closer to creation and Source.

That’s not what it is with a narcissist, no matter how great you think the sex is. A lot of it is because it’s a chemical obsession, and it also has to do with addiction and relief, which is destroying your soul. 

I cannot recommend my narcissistic abuse recovery healing enough for that because what it does can reach those deep traumas that have permeated you’ve been through sexual abuse. Because that’s what it is. 

Sex is a big part of who we are, and it’s an area where narcissists infiltrate. 

We all should celebrate and appreciate ourselves sexually and in a healthy, safe, beautiful way. 

I hope you find this helpful. I am available to help you with healing from narcissistic abuse and show the way. I have healed and also from the abuse I suffered sexually with my narcissistic partner. 

Please find the links to my Instagram, Facebook, and Website below. 

If you are ready to talk to me about healing from narcissistic abuse, send me an email or DM via Instagram or Facebook. 

Just because we end the relationship with a narcissist does not mean we are healed, unfortunately. We will often find ourselves stuck and unable to move ahead in many ways in our lives. 

Take care and much love

Debbi

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