Are You Dealing With A Narcissist Or Simply A Self Absorbed Creep?

There’s a difference between insensitive behavior and straight-up manipulation.

Not everyone who crosses our path and gives us a hard time, lies to us, is rude and arrogant, or is self-centered, is a narcissist. But if you have dealt with a person with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder for any length of time, you never forget them and eventually know who they are.

So are you dealing with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, with narcissistic traits or are they simply a self-absorbed creep?

Being diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder is not common. Approximately 0.5 % of the United States population, or 1 in 200 people, have the disorder. There are significant gender differences when it comes to the prevalence of the disorder; about seventy-five percent of people with narcissistic personality disorder are men.

When did we, as a culture, start using the terms ‘“narcissist” and “narcissistic personality disorder” so casually and interchangeably? 

And just because a person has narcissistic tendencies doesn’t mean they have NPD, There are a few key differences between someone with NPD and a self-centered person. 

Self-focused creeps and narcissists often seem pompous but their motivations are different.

As characterized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders [(DSM-5)] people diagnosed with NPD exhibit a lack of empathy, a pattern of grandiosity, and a need for admiration.

Those with NPD are typically attracted to high-powered careers and people and often have elevated goals like competing for CEO positions or influencer status.

The self-centered are known to brag about their accomplishments too, of course, but for narcissists, the underlying motivation is a need to keep their image intact in front of others, how they are seen by the world. So, it’s not that they truly believe they’re superior as a self-absorbed creep might; it’s that they need you and everyone else on the planet to think they are.

The theoretical understanding over time has been that most narcissists developed that way because they either had a parent who overpraised them and made them feel as if they were perfect or they had a parent who undervalued them and narcissism became their coping skill.

A self-absorbed creep is more likely to bore you to death.

A self-absorbed creep, like a narcissist, might be prone to bragging, going on about where they grew up, why they’re on a keto diet, and how many crunches they can do at the gym. But it’ll probably get old quickly. Narcissism, on the other hand, can seem exciting.

When a narcissist is directing their attention on you, it can make you feel like a superstar. They often shower you with fake compliments in the beginning. They can even seem like the perfect partner, friend, sister, or parent but there’s a subconscious manipulative quality to it. Know that the attention they’re giving you isn’t about you at all; it’s about them looking good so that you’ll stick around and be their supply showering them with admiration and praise.

An everyday creep might not show up to your dinner invitation because they’re angry at you and don’t care what others think about not going. But a person with NPD would likely show up, give you the biggest gift, come off as wonderful to everyone there, and then say nasty things about you behind your back.

Many narcissists have an intrinsic need to put other people down to feel better about themselves which eventually gets revealed. You eventually start feeling like you’re walking on eggshells which can be a sign you might be dealing with someone with narcissistic traits or NPD. You can feel wonderful or horrible. 

A narcissist takes your lack of adoration as an attack, and they’ll react in kind.

Attempting to match a self-centered creep’s patterns you decide to stop texting them and block them and you see who they are. This is mildly irritating to them or they might not even notice. They’re out for themselves, and what you’re doing doesn’t generally have an enormous effect on that. But for a narcissist, these are major triggers that can motivate abusive and aggressive behavior.

A narcissist is going to try to make you feel awful as they feel inside themselves. If you happen to criticize them or question their accomplishments, even if it’s constructive, they take it as an insult to their self-image. They may perceive your accomplishments, too, as a threat.

So you’re going out and you decide to wear a new dress that makes you feel wonderful and it is apparent, causing them subconsciously or consciously to fear that you’ll outshine them. And this is when they tell you that you look like a tart in your dress or it is too tight on you or you should never have bought it as it was too expensive. You start thinking you should change it or take it back and get your money back as you can not afford it and they are right, you look terrible in it.

Essentially, they’re projecting their inner self-loathing onto you in such a sneaky way that you accept it and feel bad about yourself so they can feel better. This is a form of manipulation that can indicate emotional abuse.

A self-centered creep is more likely to respect your boundaries.

True narcissists will often react negatively to any boundaries you set with aggressive behavior, spewing insults and arguing, or pressuring you to accommodate their request. This happens when they feel you are insulting them or being aggressive because you have set boundaries that don’t align with their ability to project a certain image of themselves.

They do not want anyone to see who they are.

Your partner gets upset because you are talking to an attractive coworker. A non-narcissist may feel jealous in this situation because they’re worried you don’t like them as much as they thought. 

Someone with NPD, however, might be more focused on the fact that you did it in front of others, and they think it makes them look bad. If you set a boundary by explaining that you can speak with anyone you choose, they may lash out and insist that you follow their demand. This is their attempt to regain control of their self-image.

This type of boundary-pushing is a sign of emotional abuse and is an obvious manipulation. 

 If any of the above narcissistic traits look familiar or you’re experiencing other signs of abusive behavior in your relationship, I suggest you reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline in your country. 

Here is the number for the USA- 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224 or text START to 88788. You can get some guidance from a trained person who can help you identify abusive behaviors and point you toward additional resources, should you need them.

It is not impossible to have a relationship with someone who has NPD or who exhibits many narcissistic traits however unless they are willing to work on their narcissistic tendencies it would be very difficult. 

Abuse is never okay in a relationship whether it comes from a self-absorbed creep or someone with NPD.

I finally figured out who my ex-partner is and left him. I did this safely with the help of my friends and a very good therapist. He is a malignant narcissist and the relationship was toxic. I do not regret leaving and discarding him far behind me.

I spent many years doing work on myself but the best healing I had was the Energy Work to remove the trauma I had suffered for years. 

Let me know if you would like some help or have some questions. 

Love to you

Debbi

I would like to give credit for some of the information on this post to:

Samantha Vincenty, 2023, Are You Dealing With a Narcissist or Just a Selfish Jerk?, self.com, accessed January 5, 2024, <https://www.self.com/story/narcissism-signs>