Malignant Narcissism-A Dangerous Kind of Narcissist

Traits of a Malignant Narcissist

If you have listened to any of my videos or read my blog in most of them I refer to having been in a relationship with a malignant narcissist for 14 years. This kind of narcissist is not your usual narcissist which is bad enough. Here I will explain what a malignant narcissist is and why they are especially dangerous. If you would like to read the script from this video please find it below the video.

Traits Of A Malignant Narcissist 

The malignant narcissist, unlike other narcissistic subtypes, shows the same traits used to diagnose individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

In order to diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder at least five of the following nine traits need to be found in the person.

  1. They are incapable of empathy
  2. They believe they are superior and special
  3. They have an unwarranted sense of entitlement and pride
  4. They display arrogance towards others through attitudes and beliefs
  5. They tend to idealize situations and create fantastical situations where they are better than everyone around them 
  6. They constantly need recognition and attention and behave badly when left ignored
  7. They have no problem taking advantage of others for their own gain
  8. They tend to lie about their personal achievements to make it more impressive
  9. They tend to be envious others or believe everyone envies them 

What makes malignant narcissists different is how their behavior crosses over to antisocial personality disorder.

A malignant narcissist not only takes satisfaction in enjoying the swelling of their self-image but consequently takes pleasure in putting other people down.

They want to destroy others and will stop at nothing to pursue their own self-interests and gains. 

Experts would agree that the malignant narcissist is considered the most toxic, traumatic and dangerous, of all NPD subtypes.

Because they have the added traits of an antisocial personality disorder, they are even less empathetic than milder narcissistic subtypes and are more cunning and vicious when it comes to getting what they want. 

This is what my narcissistic ex-partner is. A dangerous malignant narcissist.

To think that I lived with him for 14 years and then had to deal with him to “co-parent” was a nightmare in itself, there are no words to describe how unbelievably horrible this was. I realize how strong I was for living with this kind of abuse for that long.

Malignant Narcissism VS Psychopathy

The experts often say that psychopathy and narcissism can seem the same as each other. But unlike other NPD types, malignant narcissists have a desire for sadism. They have no second thoughts about using humiliation, manipulation, and cruelty on their target. They also enjoy doing this to others more often than not. 

However, what separates malignant narcissists and psychopaths is their ability to internalize their behavior. Psychopaths don’t view themselves as evil and are unable to speculate on their actions. 

Malignant narcissists, on the other hand, are mostly aware of what they are doing, and yet continue to do it because they don’t care, or worse because they enjoy inflicting pain on others. 

Here are some Signs Of A Malignant Narcissist 

Covert Insecurity 

Example: Minimizing other’s successes

What they might have said: “What they did at work was good, but anyone could have done it.”

They want you to feel this: In awe of their intelligence.

I remember that my narcissistic ex thought he was the supreme authority on everything. He was very competitive and needed the accolades from me and everyone else most of the time. It did not matter that he knew nothing about whatever the subject might be either.

My narcissistic ex was in a leadership position and he did think he was superior to anyone else in his field.

In order to make up for not knowing everything about everything, malignant narcissists may downplay anyone else’s achievements. Some might involve themselves in conversations so as to place their important information that a person would not have been able to get anywhere else if it was not for their help.

The malignant narcissist is constantly looking to undermine other people and they have no problem doing so. 


Example: Criticizing each and everything we do.

What they might have said “I only do this in order to help you become the best version of you”

They want you to feel this They want you to need them to tell you about everything. You won’t be able to make a decision about anything without their advice.

A red flag will be when you become aware of their constant criticisms and help to “improve you” that they are giving you, which could be a sign you are with a malignant narcissist.

My narcissistic partner would show this behavior in personal arguments, pointless fights, and unnecessary criticisms in our relationship. I often felt like I was walking on eggshells around him and often kept quiet just to keep the peace. This did not work because his rage would show up no matter what I said or did.

Dependent Conditioning

Example: They make you feel bad for wanting time alone

What they might have said : “II am glad you want time to yourself but think about me and how it affects me by doing this”

They want you to feel this Guilty. They want you to feel guilty and dependant on them.

They feel like they are superior beings and you don’t need anything outside of the relationship. Everything needs to be focused only on them. Malignant narcissists believe they are better than anyone else so why would you need anything but them and the relationship.

Malignant narcissists believe they are better than anyone else, and find it hard to understand when you try to pursue relationships or interests outside your circle. This is not the case for them, however, my narcissistic partner came and went and did whatever he wanted.

Why Relationships with Malignant Narcissists are Incredibly Dangerous

If you were or are in a relationship with a narcissist you will find it to be always a difficult relationship. However, relationships with malignant narcissists are exponentially more damaging and dangerous than relationships with less extreme narcissists.

The difference is in the awareness: most narcissists are somewhat unaware of the pain they are causing, malignant narcissists feed off of it, and actively seek to increase it at every turn.

The typical narcissistic cycle of abuse consists of four steps. These are:

  • they feel threatened and obsess over the event over and over again
  • they inflict abuse on their target which can be spiritual, verbal, emotional, physical, mental or sexual
  • the narcissist plays the victim
  • the narcissist becomes empowered and wins ending up feeling stronger and better than before

The typical narcissist will engage in every step of the abuse cycle step by step, as each step justifies and explains the next. Most narcissists do not understand what they are doing is wrong and believe that what they do is justified.

However, what makes malignant narcissists so dangerous is that they do not follow the abuse cycle at all. Rather, they feed off the knowledge that they are actively causing pain to their victims.

The malignant narcissist does not follow the abuse cycle but is simply on a path to see how far they can go before a victim will force them to stop.

If the victim never addresses their abuse, it will simply continue until they are completely broken down, or worse. This may take a long time to sort out. It took me 14 years and a year of therapy for me to figure out I was with a malignant narcissist. It seems hard to believe how anyone would not know they were being abused however the abuse is very hard to identify and the malignant narcissist I was with is very calculated, cunning, and deceptive.

Thankfully I am out and I am healed. If you would like more information please find it here on the website or go to my Instagram and Facebook here:



Find other articles and information on how to heal from Narcissistic Relationship abuse.

If you feel you might be in an abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist please seek out some help. You can contact a Women’s Abuse Hotline for abuse 24 hours a day.

If you would like some support reach out to me here or via Facebook and DM me.

As always I wish you well on your path to healing.




  1. Quinton on April 26, 2021 at 4:43 am

    Wow….wow wow………..what a powerful and knowledgable article. I am in such a relationship. Have 2 kids with her and things are just getting out of hand. I can relate to everything in your article as its almost like a mirror of my wife. I am seeking help and are seeing a physiologist. I need so much help as I am a man she now accused me of abusing her and the kids and people believe her I even have an interdict against me and she is like smiling left right and center. I really need a professional support group as well. Please help

    • Debbi on May 15, 2021 at 2:55 pm

      Thanks for reaching out and I am sorry for the difficulties you have gone through. It is good you have help. I do not have a support group here however your psychologist can perhaps recommend one. There are also some good online groups that are active on Facebook. If you would like to ” chat” you can reach me on one of the links on the first page. The work I do actually changes people from the inside out. It is powerful and very healing. Taking care and sending you healing. Debbi

  2. CC on May 28, 2021 at 2:58 am

    Wow!! I can say my husband was so dangerous. I almost lost my life by him more than once. He died almost a year ago. But I still have flashback, I have a auto immune disease from all the trauma. I recently just found a hidden database with thousands of files. These bastards need to all rot in hell!!

    • Debbi on May 29, 2021 at 9:29 pm

      My Ex is also dangerous. I am glad you are safe now. It is true even when you are out of the relationship and in your case he is dead, you can still suffer as you mentioned with flashbacks. I felt much freer when I left my ex narc but it took me to learn and have deeper healing to be free from the physical and emotional trauma I suffered. Thanks for reaching out. XO

  3. […] Getting a narcissist out of your life is more complex than just saying goodbye and leaving is not enough. Nor is physical space. Sometimes you can’t even get that space, because of sharing custody, or the narcissist living near you. I shared custody for years with my ex narcissistic partner. At one point he bought a house almost directly across the street from the house I had purchased where I moved to another city to get away from him. It took many more years to extract myself from this malignant narcissist permanently. (if you do not know what a malignant narcissist is find out about it on my website here: […]

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