You may be in a difficult relationship with your partner but that does not mean it is abusive or that you are involved with a narcissist. If you have been questioning whether your partner is narcissistic have a look at this post and it may provide some answers for you. The fact that you are reading this is a clue that there is a problem but is it an abusive relationship? Are you with a narcissist and if so what level of narcissism are you are dealing with?
There are many significant signs that someone is a narcissist but 11 of them stand out.
It will be good for you to know them and understand what they mean and how they impact your life.
These 11 signs are serious and important for you to know the severity of narcissism you are dealing with. This is the stuff that all narcissists do.
You can read these signs and see if what you’re dealing with is narcissism and if it is mild, moderate, or very extreme abuse. See what these signs are not only from the narcissist’s perspective but also the impact that this has caused in your life.
Here are the 11 signs that perhaps conclusively identify narcissistic behavior.
Number One: Is Consistently Hard to Please, Critical, and Verbally Abusive
With a narcissist, it may feel like you can never win.
You may have tried everything possible, turning yourself inside out, to appease this person, keep the peace, make them happy, or at the very least stop them from abusing you.
This isn’t possible.
The truth is the narcissist is a never-ending pit of angry insecurity, pain, and emptiness that they will lash out at their partners. The narcissist who is trapped in unconsciousness believes you are the reason for all their difficulties and pain. This is a lie, yet the narcissist refuses to see it any other way but their way.
Of course, being on the receiving end of such inhumane, destructive, malicious, and cruel treatment will cause you to break down under such senseless and ruthless abuse.
Number Two: Uses Defence Mechanisms When Confronted
Narcissists twist, turn, confuse, blame, abuse, and attack when confronted about what they have done wrong.
There are in fact around twenty defense mechanisms that narcissists use, and they all make you feel like your head is going to explode.
If you are arguing with somebody who purposely refuses to stay on topic, invalidates your feelings completely, uses tit-for-tat retaliation, and brings real or imagined allies to back up their arguments, twists and turns facts in ways that are nonsensical and absurd, this is a sure sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
You truly would get more sense from a tantruming two-year-old.
Number Three: Refuses to be Remorseful and responsible for Actions
This is very common with people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This manifests as a refusal to be accountable. The narcissist will use all sorts of diversions and deflections to dodge taking responsibility for their behavior.
Because this person is not responsible, accountable, or genuinely remorseful about how they have hurt you or anyone else or the fact that they are committing manipulative, pathological, and even criminal acts, they do not learn from their mistakes.
A narcissist does not grow up and become responsible. The same behaviors, problems, and catastrophic effects continue to happen to them and other people in their lives.
If you’re with somebody like this, you will be tearing your hair out trying to get them to realize what they have done, try to get them to apologize and make amends for it.
And you’ll be shocked how this person continues to do the same things over and over again.
Any apology they say is a false apology. It comes way too late, and it may be used when everything else does not work to keep you hooked as narcissistic supply for them.
If they do apologize it may sound like this: ” I’m sorry. There is that good enough for you now?” This is of course no apology at all.
Number Four: Engages in Cheating and Pathological Lying
Narcissists lie. It’s just what a false self does.
The narcissist knows, conceptually, that other people think lying is unacceptable, yet they believe lying is fair game for them to use to secure the agenda that is needed to get their narcissistic supply.
This means that a narcissist will tell anybody including their partner exactly what they want to hear, to be able to trap them as an energy source and meet their agenda. It also means that the narcissist will twist, withhold, turn facts around and divert blame to avoid the narcissistic injury of being held accountable for something they have done.
In the devaluing stage, when the narcissist projects their wounds onto you, they can come up with the most extreme lies about you to discredit you and to try to destroy your life.
In the final discard stage, this is so obvious.
Narcissists are equally capable of sexual promiscuity and adultery, without any remorse at all. If you have been involved with a narcissist it would be rare not to have discovered the cheating and pathological lying that the narcissist has done.
It is incredibly shocking when your narcissistic partner will look you straight in the eye and tell you that they have never done these things.
It’s a huge shock to discover that they have.
Number Five: Takes Offence to Real or Perceived Criticism
Narcissists ” go off” on a hair-line trigger.
They get bent out of shape by things that normal, emotionally mature adults just don’t get upset about.
We can all have an off day when under stress but narcissists get sullen, moody, and aggressive over ” nothing” consistently.
When a narcissist perceives that you did or said the wrong thing, they take offense, become vengeful, or punish you with the silent treatment. They might even leave the scene altogether as a way of abandoning you.
The narcissist could just as easily direct his wrath at you leaving you reeling from his cruelty.
This is all because you said something that their insecure, unreasonable, false self didn’t like.
.You might have spoken up for yourself and they are not able to hear this because they are not in the relationship for you, your needs, or your values. highly compromised violated needs or values. It’s all about them, and when you are not serving their monstrous ego adequately this is when you will see a narcissist unravel into extreme childish behaviors.
Number Six: Shows Contempt for Regulations and Makes Up Own Rules
Narcissists believe that they are the law.
They hate being made accountable or answerable to anybody. The narcissist believes that if they were to fall in line, that this would reduce them to being “just like everybody else”, which their false self finds incomprehensible.
The false self can not keep the imaginary engineered structure of their immense superiority by having to do what one is told. Narcissists regularly flaunt their way of doing things and break the rules. They tell people what they want to hear, what to do, then do the exact opposite. Some even engage in criminal activities that satisfy the agendas of adding to their energy, recognition, and other things that the narcissist relentlessly chases.
Number Seven: Is Charming and Loving then Discarding and Devaluing
A narcissist can switch from being nice to you, to abhorring you in a flash. This leaves you reeling. One minute you think that they love you so much then the next it feels like they hate you and tell you they don’t want to be with you any longer.
It’s not normal, and it is one of the most devastating things to go through, you think you finally have some security and sensibility with your partner, and then they jank the rug out from underneath you. When the narcissist is full of supply they can be charming even almost loving with you but this is short-lived.
As soon as the narcissist starts falling into being low on narcissistic supply, then the demons erupt. This is when the narcissist will lash out at you because you are already hooked. To try to escape their self-annihilating feelings narcissists
To try to escape their self-annihilating feelings, narcissists throw onto you lots of wild accusations and assumptions, including what they are doing themselves.
Number Eight: Engages in Discrediting and Smearing You
Narcissists like to learn about the dynamics of other people. Things such as their past, their secrets, their likes and dislikes, and what makes them tick.
If they have vulnerabilities or cracks the narcissist zones in on these.
Once you’re in the devalue and discard stages, a narcissist will use your personal information against you to get narcissistic supply and attention from other people, to discredit you, and even to try to destroy you.
This is all about the narcissist fulfilling their agenda, of outing you so that the narcissist can take over your position, or dismantling and destroying you when the narcissist has decided that you are no longer useful for them. They can lie through their teeth, stretch the truth and give only their side of the story.
Anything that you have ever said or done to defend yourself from the narcissist can and will be used against you, making you appear to be unstable. It is not you however who is the unstable one.
Number Nine: Glorifies Themselves and Their Achievements
Narcissists love to talk about themselves and any of their past notable achievements, real or made up. It’s the same stories over and over and over about how incredible, wonderful, or special they are.
The narcissist hangs onto this to use like a drug when low on narcissistic supply or to suck energy from others. Narcissists also take over other’s conversations, are horrible listeners, have zero interest in you or what you have to say, they butt in and they will switch the conversation back about them.
The narcissist believes they know more, have done it better, and are a greater authority than you or anybody else is. They are not interested in you (except when in the love-bombing phase where attentiveness makes you bond with them) and is only interested in sucking your energy, while they talk all about themselves.
A narcissist will start feeling low on narcissistic supply if anyone else is getting the attention and energy. If the conversation is not about them, they will have to steer it back to them, disrupt everyone, or leave the room.
Number Ten: Is Unable To Express Genuine Empathy and Compassion
A narcissist can pretend to be empathetic and compassionate when trying to secure one of their agendas. However, you will discover that this person simply does not have the resources to be genuinely empathetic and compassionate.
A narcissist will regularly step on people’s toes, without caring that they’ve done so, and are void of any compassion or empathy afterward. People are objects to a narcissist; they are not real people. As far as the narcissist is concerned people are there to serve them and are useless in any other way.
A narcissist may display a show of incredible empathy and compassion when you have decided to leave, had enough, and are terrified their narcissistic supply will be cut off. Don’t be fooled and run back into their arms as things will return to the way they have been with them or become even worse.
Number Eleven: Is Capable of Monstrous Behaviour that Damages People and Their Resources
Narcissists lash out and hurt you most of the time usually on purpose sometimes inadvertently.
It’s purposeful when the narcissist has thought out what they will do to make you pay back what they perceive as wronged behavior towards them even if it is only slight and they have decided that you have not satisfied the false self enough for their liking.
How dare you not crawl on your belly, succumb, grovel, or jump over unrealistic hoops to serve their highness. If you try to do things your way, then the narcissist will make you pay. As far as the narcissist is concerned you need to pay for this with a level of maliciousness that certainly doesn’t match the supposed crime.
The narcissist’s punishment is unwitting when the narcissist is simply going about the job of being who they are, a narcissist, meaning nobody else figures in the equation. If there is collateral damage thrown into the equation along the way, then that is just the way it is.
This means taking what is yours and using it to feed themselves. Everything is up for grabs, including your body, health, sanity, Life Force, time, resources, money, and contacts.
These 11 Signs Are Serious
I know that if you are dealing with a narcissist in your life, you will relate to so much of this post. Look at each of the signs of a narcissist and make a tally of how many of them affect you and that your partner has. Because this is the stuff that all narcissists do. The higher the number of signs that you have in your life the more extreme the level of narcissism that you are involved in within your relationship.
These understandings quite possibly go much further than the usual criteria that most people may know about, or even the psychological community talks about.
I believe you must understand what you have been going through.
The exciting part is you can get to the bottom of all of this, the true answers regarding the level of narcissism that you are dealing with. Is it mild, is it moderate or is it extreme?
Mild narcissism is 1-4 signs.
Moderate narcissism is 5-8 signs.
Extreme narcissism is 9-11 signs.
I am here to help and reading the information here on the site is a good step forward for you. There is a lot of information available here including a FREE E-book about how to heal from Toxic Relationships, an 8 Step Program for you to follow to identify if you are in an abusive relationship, and then how to start to heal. Also, there are FREE videos to listen to Raise Your Consciousness and help with anxiety, your fear, and other consequences you have suffered because of being in an abusive relationship.
I am here to help you heal when you are ready. It is life-changing and I work to remove the trauma that is stopping you from living your life to the fullest. I have helped many trauma survivors, like you, to become unstuck and move forward, living a free happy life.
Trauma can affect you in ways you do not associate with your past. Things like not being able to be in a healthy relationship due to your past abusive relationship may be obvious but other things like financial difficulties may not be.
I work with people to release limiting beliefs, blocked energy, and faulty programming that no doubt made you vulnerable to being in a relationship with a narcissist. I do this for you in person or remotely. I also do the hard work for you. You are not required to relive your trauma or talk about what happened to you. It works like magic.
Email me here, DM me and contact me for a Free 30 Consultation. Is your pain enough to want to change you and your life yet?
Love to you