Are Narcissists Aware They Hurt People?

Do you think a narcissist cares about other people?

Looking back at my experience with my toxic partner, was there ever a time that I saw proof that he cared about what he was doing to me?

I wanted my narcissist partner to care, have compassion and be kind to me, which I know now, was an entirely unrealistic expectation.

I wasted many years hoping my partner would stop doing nasty, malicious, senseless, and honestly, insane acts against me so we could just live our lives and love each other.

This never happened he just continued to extract energy, resources, and attention, from me until I was drained in every way.

Looking back on this relationship, I was simply a means to an end for him.

For many years this has no longer been my reality. In this post, I take a deep dive into the question “Are Narcissists Aware They Hurt People” so you can understand what is going on and how to put an end to them hurting you ever again.

Does a narcissist know what they are doing?

I wanted to know whether my narcissistic partner knew what he was doing when he did these senseless, malicious, and crazy acts against me.  

We Want Narcissists To Care and To Know

We want narcissists to know what they’re doing, but even more than that, we want them to care. So do they care? And more importantly, does a narcissist care about what they are doing?

The basis of all of our human interactions is really about love and connection. Most of us want people to care about us, and like me you want your narcissist partner to care about you. You want them to know what they’re doing so that they can wake up and stop hurting you and others. You want them to care about you.

I felt this way. 

Is it the caring that we want? We want them to know what they’re doing so that they can start caring. 

 Wanting a narcissist to be compassionate, be kind and care, is like expecting an alligator to roll over so that you can scratch its belly and wag its tail and love you.

If a narcissist doesn’t care about others, it’s because they don’t have the capacity for empathy, just like the reptilian brain of an alligator doesn’t have that capacity either. And there’s a reason for this.

The reason is that a narcissist has to go after their narcissistic supply. What this means exactly is getting the stuff, the energy, the attention, from other people to be able to feed the empty void false self, to feel functional, significant, and alive.

With a narcissist, it’s all about them. 

They only care about feeding their false self. The false self is the fake construct that they’ve put in charge of their identity and their life.

Let’s now move on to whether or not a narcissist knows what they’re doing.

Does A Narcissist Know or Care That They Are Hurting People?

The answer is, yes, they know, but this is the clincher, they don’t care. 

The reason they don’t care is because it’s a means to an end. They want what they want at all costs. People are objects from which to extract resources, energy, and attention to stop them emotionally imploding and being annihilated by the huge black hole inside them. Their dysfunctional and dead screaming Inner Being. 

I wanted my narcissistic partner to care but eventually realized, he did not. The manipulating, controlling, scheming, lying, and abusing are all the methods by which he used to attempt to regulate the narcissistic supply. This source of resources is what he needed for them to keep feeding their fictional false self to maintain the facade that they are significant and superior. 

The narcissist’s false self is attached to a system of lack and separation. The narcissist believes deeply that there’s NOT enough for everybody. So you need to lose so he can win, and he will not share his stuff. 

To a narcissist who is disconnected from Source, there is no concept of win-win. It’s them against the world, which includes you.

The narcissist is not capable of caring about you or caring that what they are doing is wrong. It’s a means to an end and this makes it right for them.

Of course, I tried to make my narcissistic partner accountable for his wrongdoings, hoping he would understand and care about how he was hurting me. If you push them to be accountable you will begin to see the three-ring circus. The unraveling of the personality, which is all of the deflections of defense mechanisms that will make your head spin. You might begin to feel you are dealing with a three-year-old who is in an adult’s body or you may see the full-fledged evil one that lies within them come out. 

You will see that the narcissist will do anything to try to maintain the version of themselves in life that they’re firmly invested in, which is, “I am entitled and superior. I’m above reproach. How dare you question me? I am right and you are wrong. This is all about me and what I’ve decided I want.”

Does A Narcissist Know Why They Hurt Others?

Everybody behaves in certain ways based on their belief systems. 

What are belief systems made up of? The programs and emotional experiences that you’ve inherited from your ancestors that were indoctrinated into you during your childhood, from your environment, your relationships, and your life circumstances. 

A narcissist believes that their True Self is not functional and cannot have its needs met. Therefore, they assigned a False Self to be in charge. How a narcissist feels about themselves at a True Self level is as through their dysfunctional False Self.

A narcissist is an empty vessel that feels unlovable and defective. They can never fit in on their own merits in life. It’s kind of like a fish in an aquarium looking out at life and feeling like it can’t ever be a part of it.

The narcissist is insecure, deeply wounded, and forever battling feelings of insignificance. This self-loathing is projected onto others who are then abused, mined, and, attacked, for the narcissist to pathologically and psychologically try to destroy the part of themselves that they despise.

This is why a narcissist treats others so horrifically. 

Does the narcissist realize this? No. 

Why do they not realize why they’re doing this? Because they are not prepared to meet their Inner Being and do the deep inner recovery work of releasing and reprogramming the trauma. This will bring the True Self back to life and wrestle themselves out from under the grip of the self-destroying ego.

They are not prepared to bring themselves back to sanity. A narcissist is deeply unconscious and trapped in the cycle of attaching to people and things, sucking them dry, destroying them, then when their source is empty they move on. They repeat this over and over again.  

Just as a black hole in space keeps gobbling up everything in its path, it will always remain a black hole. This is the narcissist.


I hope that this answered your question and gives you a lot to think about. I also hope that it will bring you to the understanding that it’s not important whether other people do or don’t care about hurting you, even if they do or don’t know what they’re doing.

What is important is you and loving yourself. Stop hurting yourself by being attached to these narcissists. You do the inner work and bring yourself back to sanity by releasing yourself from those deep emotional patterns of staying attached to those who hurt you and trying to stop them from hurting you.

You are the only person who has the power to stop them from hurting you. Do this by detaching, moving away, and healing yourself. This is how you take your power back and escape from people who do not care what they’re doing to you. You can take your Soul, your sanity, and your life back.

I can help you heal in direct, powerful, and fast ways which I have made my life’s mission. I have found through my clients that my healing works more effectively than some contemporary methods.  

You can reach me here and on the other platforms -just click on icons on the front page. Send me a DM and I will get back to you.

Love to you


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