Cognitive Dissonance & Narcissists

Cognitive Dissonance is a term that you probably have heard.

It is associated with narcissists and we can see it clearly in the world right now being used by those controlling the masses on a global scale. 

Quite simply, it’s those times when your mind plays tricks on you; when it is in opposition to how you feel about something. This will be explained in detail in this post.

Cognitive Dissonance: When evidence is presented against a core belief the person holds they may experience feelings of :




So, what role does cognitive dissonance play in narcissistic abuse, and how does it keep you stuck? We will also see how many of us have had our minds playing tricks on us during the current ” crisis” situation. 

The truth that sets you free whether it is about your narcissistic relationship or waking up to the abuse from those narcissists controlling us on a global scale. 

How Narcissists Are Parasitic

Narcissists are not true selves. They are false selves that have manufactured the creation of the true self, creating the person they would like to be, rather than how they truly feel about themselves.

How do they continue the deception? Narcissists use the tools they have honed, the control, manipulation, gaslighting, lying, and grandstanding you to get you to hand over your supply, your energy, attention, resources, and life force that the fake self narcissists cannot provide for themselves.

How do we stay hooked as prey to narcissists? Why do we continue to hand over our energy, power, and resources even though our mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and usually financial bodies are self-destructing?

The answer is simple and concerning for us.

By lying to ourselves.

This is what cognitive dissonance is.

I know this may feel like a bucket of ice being thrown in your face, but I will spell it out. This is not your fault and you are not even consciously aware of it.

It took me a long time to figure this out as I was with a malignant narcissistic for years however I have since been healed and awake for a long time now. This enabled me to see the cognitive dissonance in the global matrix situation. 

Those of us who were susceptible to a narcissist, even though we logically knew that we were being destroyed by them, were programmed into cognitive dissonance.

I was stuck in cognitive dissonance for years and I could have remained there for life. This means remaining stuck in the logical reasons why we should stay with these abusers, keep trying, keep throwing them good resources, and keep suffering ghastly collapses without any real reprieve.

The Superficial Level Of Cognitive Dissonance

Here’s how cognitive dissonance plays out with narcissistic abuse on a personal level and a global level by those trying to control us.

Your emotional being is screaming at you from within saying “I am being abused, terrorized, treated terribly, accused of lies. I am suffering mentally and physically.”

But your mind keeps giving you all of the reasons to remain with your partner and on the global scale also believe that our government officials are on our side. Your mind is saying things like:

“It’s because he had an abusive childhood that he behaves like this. It’s not his fault.”

“He just needs to be loved. He never got enough. I can help him through this by giving him a lot of love. “

“No one is perfect. I know that I’m not perfect either and a lot of this is probably my stuff.”

“The connection between us is so powerful, I know he is my soulmate and I could not live without him.” 

” It is my responsibility to help him to heal. My reason for being here on this planet is to help others.”

“If I leave this person, people will think I’m a bad person. I have messed up so many times in the past, not this time.”

“If I end this relationship, I’m going to lose all my resources and how will this affect the children? Maybe I will lose custody. I can’t start over again with nothing”

“If I leave, I’m scared of what he will do. “If I leave, I don’t know how I will survive on my own.

“I may never meet anybody again, and I don’t want to be alone.”

 There are countless “excuses” we use.

The Truth About These “Excuses” 

There is a deeper spiritual basis as to why having logical justifications in our head and ignoring our inner emotional truth doesn’t serve us and is detrimental for your life. Let’s discuss a few of the “reasons” we allow ourselves.

Let’s look at the REAL truths regarding the following common cognitive dissonance “justifications” we use.

“It’s because he had an abusive childhood that he behaves like this. It’s not his fault.”

Virtually everybody who can be abusive suffered a terrible childhood. It doesn’t excuse the abuse.

Getting out of abuse is never about making excuses for an abusive person’s behavior, it’s about examing the reasons why we stayed with them and allowed it to continue in our life. It is more than likely because of our childhood wounds. We often choose to stay with people who are abusive because we did not grow up in empowered, healthy, and safe environments.

The focus and healing need to be on our inner wounds to break free from these cycles.

“No one is perfect. I’m not perfect either and most of this is probably my stuff.”

It may take some time but we eventually realize that our relationships with other people bear no resemblance to the one that we have with our narcissistic partner. Therefore, we are not the common denominator, rather we are justifying and continuing a relationship with somebody who is toxic and who can’t be healthy. We can become sick just by being around them. 

“The connection between us is so powerful, I know he is my soulmate and I could not live without him.” 

I was love-bombed by my ex-partner and I utterly believed that I had met my soulmate. It was an intense love experience for me but he was not my soul mate. A soul mate love experience that is much healthier, kinder, growing, and improves after time.

Intense narcissistic relationships never improve. They only deteriorate with no solution and teach us the most important soul lesson, which is to love ourselves, not to try to create an impossible situation.

“If I leave this person, what will other people say? Will they think I’m a bad person?”

Your life is never determined by what other people think of you unless you make it so. Your true free and healthy life has to do what you think of yourself.

“If I end this relationship, I’m going to lose everything and how will this affect the children? I might even lose custody.”

Unfortunately, people who leave narcissistic relationships usually pay a heavy price. It costs money and resources to have your garbage removed. However, by letting go, turning inwards, and healing yourself, what you will receive is the connection to your Soul.

Your life will then take off in incredible ways – filled with rewards, transformation, and renewal on every level you could imagine, including financial.

When you heal, as I have, not only will you have and build an incredible relationship with your children despite what the narcissist does and doesn’t try to do. You will also be a role model showing them not to give away their power and tolerate abuse.

“If I leave, I’m scared of what this person will do.”

When you leave a narcissist and do the deep inner healing to release the fear from inside of you and stand true in your light and power, narcissists in your life experience dissolve into oblivion. This is the very reason I have not been fooled by the cognitive dissonance in the world around the coronavirus. I was already healed and awake so I recognized what the controllers are doing. 

As a false self, a narcissist needs to use your triggers and your traumas against you to be able to control you. When you figure this out, it’s all over for them.

“I can’t live without this person.” “If I leave, I don’t know how I will survive on my own.

When you heal the trauma bonds within you that have been keeping you attached to somebody that is hurting you, not only will you be able to emotionally live without this person, you will not be able to imagine how you were attracted to and tolerated them in the first place. I can vouch for this as I can see now clearly that my ex-partner is a malignant narcissist but at the time I was fooled by cognitive dissonance.

Your entire mission is to heal yourself, to be able to be connected to Source. so that you can create your approval, security, and self-love. Then not only will you survive in life, but you will also grow and thrive in your capacity to create your true life beyond your wildest dreams.

Then absolutely you will receive incredible blessings by living without this person. You will never risk being abused again.

“I may never meet anybody again, and I don’t want to be alone.” “It’s too late for me to start all over again.”

It is never too late to free yourself emotionally, energetically, mentally, financially, and spiritually, and move into your dream lives.

Your soul is ageless. It just wants you to be free.

Easier Said Than Done

I know that the trauma bond to a narcissist is very strong, difficult to see and break. It doesn’t matter how much logic someone uses regarding the truth about the cognitive dissonance “reasons to stay with your narcissist”, because when you are caught in the trauma bonds, it may feel like it is impossible to let go.

This is why the solutions and truths I have shown you here on the site may fall on deaf ears at first. No matter how much you try.

This is the entire problem with cognitive dissonance – you know you shouldn’t be thinking these things, and other people tell you that this is no reason to stay – but you can’t stop yourself from thinking them.

I understand this. This happened to me too all the time. Why?

***Because of the inner programmed trauma bonds that our head is following. Meaning whatever is going on inside us is exactly the way that our mind is organizing itself to validate and co-create the experience that exactly matches the trauma bonds.***

What Cognitive Dissonance Is

Now it’s time to understand the REAL role cognitive dissonance plays in narcissistic abuse.

All of us have had emotional interpersonal experiences – good and bad. Many of these were formed long before we even could think, interpret and ascertain these messages.

Neuroscientists now know that we take on the emotional predispositions, belief systems about ourselves, life, and others, of our ancestors as well. 

Our previous experiences set us up for beliefs and inner programs that are running our life. These are powerful forces, fuelled by emotional energy stuck in our bodies.

How we feel about certain topics in our life continues to play out for us until we meet and reprogram these inner identity beliefs that are shaping our lives.

Here is a list of the usual cognitive dissonance reasons to stay attached to abusers, as they relate to the inner trauma bonds that are matching us up with the exact people who deliver these traumas.

“It’s because of the horrific childhood that they behave like this. It’s not their fault.”

“No one is perfect. I know that I’m not perfect either and a lot of this is probably me.”

“The connection between us is so powerful, I know that this is my twin flame and I’m supposed to stay with this person.”

What has been happening here is an ATTACHMENT to someone that is hurting you.

The trauma bonds responsible for this are beliefs such as,

 “The people I love are unstable if I don’t grant them what they want, and try to fix them I can’t be safe and loved. I may not survive.”

“If I don’t stay and help this person, who will? I must do this.”

“If I leave this person, what will other people say? They will think I’m a bad person.”

“They will blame me for all of this if I end it. I can’t stand the thought of that.”

These “excuses” are because of traumas of over-responsibility and the fear of persecution. That’s the real issue here.

Your trauma bonding program, that was embedded in your Inner Being from long ago is:

“It’s all up to me. If I don’t do the fixing, I’ll be blamed, exiled, or persecuted.”

“If I end this relationship, I’m going to lose all of my resources and how will this affect the children? Maybe I will lose custody.”

“If I leave, I’m scared of what this person will do.”

The trauma bonding program that continues to keep you stuck in powerlessness and connected to people who represent this program is, 

“The people I love threaten me, create me as the enemy, and take what is mine away from me.”

“If I leave, I don’t know how I will survive on my own.”

“I can’t live without this person.”

These relate to a huge survival trauma bonding program of, 

“If the people I love leave me, I will die.”

“I may never meet anybody again, and I don’t want to be alone.”

“It’s too late for me to start all over again.”

This often relates to the trauma bonding programs of things such as,

“No one is coming, and I have no support. I’m all alone.”

Getting To The Root Cause

Can you see by looking at all of this that the real issue isn’t the cognitive dissonance which is a symptom of something so much deeper? Like all symptoms, it is not going to go away until you heal it at the root.

The cause is the trauma bonding program which is in your subconscious.

I was fooled by a toxic person, hooked and addicted to a narcissist who was ripping me apart piece by piece, while trapped by the cognitive dissonance.

I made excuses and justifications like, 

“He is the love of my life”, 

“I can’t live without him”, 

 “I feel dead without him so this must be real love”, 

“He had such a bad childhood and I have to save him.”

These cognitive dissonance “reasons” caused me so much pain where I got to the point where I did not even recognize myself any longer. It wasn’t until I turned inwards and met my trauma programs, released them, and replaced them with new healthy programs that I became completely and utterly free.

The healing happened very quickly, and for so long now, I have zero obsessions about what happened to me, zero trauma symptoms, zero regret, zero longing, and absolutely no connections on any level – including psychic or spiritual – to him whatsoever.

Facing these trauma bonds and releasing myself from them is the greatest gift I have ever given myself.

I hope that this post makes sense to you. Rather than complicate matters, you don’t need to go into logical overload trying to work out what your trauma bonds are. 

 A way to win, in your recovery, is to stop thinking and instead start doing the work inside your being, directly on your trauma bonds.

That’s what all my work is about. I help you heal, and when you start healing in this way you will realize exactly what I mean.

Send me a DM on Instagram and Facebook if you have a question or would like to get started on your healing process. It is hard to ask for help but here you are. I was once where you are and I know you feel anxious or afraid to ask for help but I am here to help you. Leave a comment or send me an email. I will get back to you.

With Love and gratitude


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