Toxic shame can sit within us for years and you may not even be aware of it. It is extremely damaging to you. Please listen to the video about what Toxic Shame is and how to break free from it. If you would like to read this post please look below the video.
Toxic shame had slowly crept into me without my knowledge when I was in a relationship with a malignant narcissist.
I felt I was the problem in the relationship, and later, felt a great deal of shame for having not seen that I had gotten it all wrong, made many mistakes along the way, had to start all over again on my own with my two children, and with very little help from my family.
I remember asking myself when I was caught up in the depth of those feelings of shame, how did I let myself and my life get to this? I felt that no one was going to love me and accept me ever again now that I was not “whole.”
I found out that these feelings are very common and are incredibly damaging.
I’m here to tell you that we’ve all been told lies that lead us to believe that we have to be perfect, and never make a mistake. We were also told many things that said we’re only loveable and acceptable if we have certain things and qualities.
These are complete lies, none of it is true because the real truth is that we are lovable for who we are, for our true self.
I learned to move from self-condemnation into self-love beginning with how to apply unconditional love, forgiveness, and acceptance to myself.
Toxic shame is a big one. You might know the terrible feeling when you have a shame attack. It could be feelings of self-loathing, self-disgust, self-hatred, or hopelessness. These feelings are very common in a relationship with an abusive narcissist, and even after the relationship is over. I remember them all too well.
So how do you heal from this immense shame? I did it and I’m going to help you with this, by taking you through how to move from self-condemnation into self-love, beginning with how to apply unconditional forgiveness and acceptance to yourself.
You will become stronger and expand in many deep ways when you get to the other side of this journey.
What Does Unconditional Acceptance and Forgiveness Mean?
What does it mean when you’re suffering from shame?
It means that you’re human. We were taught lies, lies like we are never meant to make mistakes or we are meant to be perfect, that we should be a certain kind of person, we need to look a certain way, or that we are only lovable if we have certain things, qualities and behaved in a particular way.
I learned the hard way that trying to keep and retain a relationship with a narcissist is impossible and I tried everything to make it work for years. I ended up losing parts of myself, my resources, my sanity, my money, and my health to my fake partner, but I have since gained these parts back and more.
At the time I ended up feeling sick, broken, empty inside, and the things that I thought defined me seemed to be gone for a time. I would ask myself how did my life get to this?
This was the shame. How will I ever be whole again and will anyone ever love me and accept me again?
We have to learn the truth which was not obvious to me at the time I was in a relationship with my malignant narcissistic partner. I did not see that I was loveable for who I was, just by being myself.
We had conditions placed on us that demanded that we were a certain way, that we were smart, beautiful, thin, had loads of money, or other unrealistic conditions. Unless we had all or some of these conditions we were not loveable. This is all a lie, of course.
This is how we developed our false selves without knowing it because we had not learned to be true and real with ourselves accepting ourselves just the way we were.
The big part of accepting who we are exactly as we are is about the true knowing and understanding that things happen for a reason when we are living a false life with a false partner. When we’re living a false life, it is never sustainable and things crumble falling apart eventually.
This leads us to our real life, and to get there, you need to be real and humble without judging yourself. This happens when we can say, I’m human and I can make mistakes, I am broken but did not listen to the intuition that told me that something is very wrong with my relationship and it is not me. I did not listen to the part of me that told me to leave.
Yes, I did ignore my intuition which was screaming at me to get out. I came up with many excuses and justifications for me to stay and also excuses for him and his abusive behavior. I tried everything I could to get him to love and accept me however it was not possible. He could not love anyone and could care less about accepting anyone. He did not feel emotions in the same way most people might.
Our way out of shame is to realize that there is a beautiful, incredible relationship for ourselves with ourselves, which is about accepting and loving ourselves in the losses, the wounds, and in the trauma. This begins to dissolve who you were and you start to see and understand that you will only accept what is true and real in your life and not a fake false life.
Moving Forward On Your True Journey
Our true journey going forward with this is it is really about accepting that this was meant to be. This may make you angry at me but I am not saying you deserved this or this was in any way your fault. I’m just saying that what you were living with was a False Self within yourself at the time.
It did not seem like it at the time but it did change me and the course of my life for the better forever. Coming home to true unconditional love and acceptance without limits and conditions. If everything had been wonderful in my life, this would never be needed.
We are very interesting creatures, every one of us. We are each a child of God and are a magnificent Quantum machine. We may not have realized how we each work together with the Universe on this new incredible journey but it is painful even if it is transforming.
I already knew pain. Living with a malignant narcissist is very painful as you probably already are aware of.
This is the way out of the pain. You can start to understand the truth about yourself and life. You may not have ever seen how powerful you are.
What narcissistic abuse shows us through the shame and the fall of ourselves is this: “so within, so without. ” The narcissist is an empty vessel and not an energy source of themselves. They mirror using our wounds against us to break us down further into those wounds so that we finally get to the point where we let go of our blame and our shame. We ultimately end up letting go of them and this is the time we can begin to heal.
How To Get Started On The Journey Of Your True Self
When we move from shame to self-love we begin our journey to who we really are, our true self.
I learned that all the answers that are required for this journey are within us. We often look outside ourselves for answers to our problems but this never works.
But what if I was to tell you that there is truly a way to heal from the abuse and trauma you have been living with. It works. I have done this healing and have learned how to help others to heal now. I mean truly heal from the shame, the hurt, and emptiness you may be feeling in your life because of the narcissistic abuse you suffered.
When I finally got the strength to leave the relationship I felt lost and was carrying a great deal of shame. I felt defective, not good enough, and as though I would never be whole again.
So this is how you can heal this directly, quickly, and permanently.
Trauma can be felt in many ways in your body because your body does hold the trauma within. It can show up as anxiety, depression, or physical pain, or with symptoms like fibromyalgia or gastrointestinal problems. You may not even know that the migraine headaches or the pains you feel in your lower back are because of the trauma you have suffered and this is where your body has placed it. This also lets you know that it was real as sometimes people question their sanity because the narcissist gaslights us continually. ( see my post on gaslighting here) https://debbianderson.com/dangerous-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-relationships/
I can connect with your inner pain and hurt picking up these dense energies in your body and then releasing them for good. Beliefs that you have held onto and traumas that generated illness and pain within your body which you have been in your body, perhaps for many years will be replaced and healed completely. I connect with Source Energy and heal within you what you have been unable to.
This is why it’s simple, direct, and fast. I am working with your body’s wisdom, the ingredient you need to let go of the trauma.
I am telling you that this healing will free you from toxic shame in a powerful, easy and direct way.
You don’t have to work it out. You don’t have to talk about it or even identify the actual trauma, Source already has the answer and the resolution for you. I have been a healer for many years and have healed many people to heal becoming free.
So is this a pure and simple way to let go of your shame?
Yes. I can shift your energies and the result is you will start to see things begin to unfold in your life that is amazing, brilliant, and thrilling. You will begin to feel healthy and strong again.
You’re not trying to change what you were being in the experience. You have changed who you are, which changes your entire experience, so within, so without. We are turning pain and shame into growth, inspiration, creativity, and pure exhilaration.
I hope that this has helped you. You can learn more about what narcissistic abuse is here on the website as there are many videos and posts about narcissistic abuse. Identify how it may have affected you, and know there is a solution to heal from this pain and shame.
What happened to you is not your fault but you have the power to take control of your life now and your healing.
I hope that this has inspired you. You do not have to live with the pain and shame you have been feeling. I promise you that you can be free from the toxic shame and the terrible stagnation you may have been feeling due to being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist.
I am able to release the trauma you have held within your body and may have come out in physical illness, pain, emotional issues including panic attacks, anxiety or depression, you may also have felt suicidal at times and I urge you to seek professional help for any of these issues. You may also find that you have money issues or feel stuck around your finances and this can be from your past abuse and showing up energetically this way.
I can help you release your trauma which does NOT require you to relive any of your trauma or even tell me the details of what you experienced. I do the hard work for you.
Please reach out to me via email or send me a DM on one of the platforms listed at the top of the page. Just click on the icons to reach out to me. I would love to help you. We can have a discussion and see if I can help you.