Serial Provokers

My ex narcissistic partner used a lot of tactics to try and unhinge me and keep me off balance. He was a ” serial provoker” and would use this constant arguing all the time. Here is a video explaining what he did and how he would use this abusive behavior to always have the upper hand and be in control. If you would like to read the video transcription find it below the video.

I remember during the years I was with my narcissistic partner using the term ” constant arguer ” for him. He would argue about everything and he took a great deal of satisfaction in arguing about anything. It could be about how to boil an egg properly, what time to set the alarm, or what kind of hairbrush to buy.

He seemed to be an expert on everything, real estate, how to take care of the kids ( although he did not actually do anything to help out with the kids), driving the car, cooking, decorating, the list was endless.

The term serial provoker fits my ex toxic partner to a tee. He took a great deal of pleasure in not only knowing ” everything” but in being the ” authority” on anything. He would provoke me with his covert jabs, veiled humor, and sarcastic patronizing tone.

I would, of course, try and avoid conflict by choosing to forgive and excuse his behavior, trying to remain pleasant. I was so sick of his consistent and frequent arguing. It was so exhausting and draining. All I wanted was harmony and he clearly did not. He would push me, in the argument of the day or the hour, until I lost my mind and would scream at him, to stop. He would sit back quietly, with a calm quiet voice and usually with a smirk on his face and remark how angry, volatile, and aggressive I was when he ” did not even raise his voice.”

I would then begin to doubt and question myself, thinking it must have been me and even apologize and take all the blame. He would then shame me for finally losing my patience and behave in the way he behaved daily.

I would feel terrible and remorseful each time this happened. My narcissistic partner felt no remorse what so ever. He was not capable.

I was expected to remain peaceful and calm while he felt entitled to say and do whatever he pleased. His behavior was hard for me to understand and explain to others. My narcissistic partner did not even raise his voice, he did not hit me, or threaten me and these exchanges were very hard to describe.

How could I describe him- that he’s sarcastic, that he holds onto things, that he’s overly critical or that he’s controlling?

Now I would describe this behavior as an abusive period because that’s exactly what it is.

I hope you found this of some value. Remember you are not alone on your path to healing.

Love

Debbi