Get Through Difficult Times With Abusive Partner
Being stuck inside with an abusive partner can be challenging. You have been through difficult times with them and this will not last forever. Here is a video which shows some things that you can do to get through it if leaving is not an option right now. You will find the transcript below the video if you want to read it as you listen to the video or prefer to read rather than listen.
You might have been planning for weeks to move out of your house and leave your abusive partner, but this global crisis seems to be here now and put a halt on your plans.
You already know you are on a Higher Vibration than he is.
You have already made your best possible choice for yourself and your future to leave but this crisis has slowed this decision down temporarily for you.
Looking at the practical side you have started a plan on how to step into your power which includes setting aside money, perhaps getting some education for a job, figuring out how to get a reliable car and a place to move to temporarily or more permanently.
But then COVID-19 came along and now it looks like you might have to be with your narcissistic partner a while longer.
You know who this person, your abusive partner who you live with is exactly by now. You are aware of his abusive patterns. You have learned how to keep yourself safe in the past and this crisis is only a temporary set back right now.
Yes, the schools and so many places are closed and you have to spend time in close quarters with your narcissistic partner. It may seem overwhelming but you know who he is.
Many of the things that are normally said to empower you as a woman might not be the right choices now because you are in isolation with your abuser. You might need to do the opposite of what you would normally do when there was no crisis.
Leave If You Can
The most obvious way to be safe is to go to a family’s or friend’s house. but this may not be possible in these times.
This all takes a plan and it is important to make sure you have a safe landing place before your abuser realizes you are gone. So if you plan to and are able to leave now, be as discreet and secretive as you can.
The virus has caused a problem in many people’s travel plans and in a lot of places, only family members who live with each other can be living in the same house so this makes it impossible to leave now to move in with others.
But if you’re planning to move in or can stay with a friend, make sure they’re comfortable with you and your children joining them and they’re aware of the narcissist’s issues.
You already know he is violent whether it is physically or not, it is still violence. Does he have people who he has manipulated into doing harm to you in other ways like smearing your good name?
It is important to keep your plans quiet about leaving until you can actually leave.
It may be better off for you to stay where you are a bit longer. Remember your narcissistic partner is not a stranger to you and you may feel trapped but you can do this and this global crisis will not last forever.
So For Those Who Can’t Leave
Although you may not want to do this, it may be your best option to stay with your abusive partner for a while and stay where you are. If you have to do this, you aren’t alone. You and many others can survive this rough time by using your mind. You are a powerful warrior!
The Hard Part is Feeling Like You Have Nowhere to Escape
It is very difficult to avoid confrontation and conflict anytime with a narcissist since they get their supply from it, but it is much harder when you’re stuck under the same roof with them. In normal times you might go out, see a friend, go shopping to get a break for a few hours however in some places this is not possible now.
The shutdowns are affecting children too who rely on schools to provide routine and other people to observe their behaviors. They are at a much higher risk of being abused by a narcissist parent during these crisis times. The children are right in the middle of a potentially violent situation and can be the target of a narcissistic parent’s frustration which causes even more stress for the abused parent.
Here are some things to consider if you find it necessary to stay with your abuser for now.
Don’t Use Your Voice
- Now is NOT the time to speak up for yourself against your abuser if you are in isolation with your narcissist partner.
- It is also NOT the time to tell him you are planning on leaving him.
- The best way to cohabitate with an angry and abusive person is to play “Gray Rock” with them.
- Gray rock is when you act like a gray rock which has no response to anything a narcissist says. A rock never yells, cries, sighs, or moves and is still and quiet. It is simply gray and quiet and still. When you are dealing with a violent abuser, acting like you are a gray rock could save your life.
These are not usual times. There will come a time for you to speak up after you‘ve safely left him, but for now, keep the peace as much as possible. Your primary concern is to stay safe.
Don’t Push Your Boundaries
- Narcissists don’t care about boundaries and there is never a good time to set them with them however now it is NOT the time to set them if you are in quarantine with a narcissist
- If you are in any danger call the police
- It is important to recognize that things can quickly get out of hand with a narcissist – going from an argument about his never helping out with household tasks to where it quickly escalates to a point where it becomes an emergency
- If you have children they must be safe at all times so the narcissist does not harm them in any way.
No doubt this is information you already know and this is very hard and stressful requiring your wisdom and vigilance.
Calling the Domestic Violence Hotline is always available for you 24 hours a day to get support and further information. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. Users of web browser Microsoft Edge will be redirected to Google when clicking the “X” or “Escape” button.
Keep Walking On Eggshells
- You find it is hard to walk on eggshells around your narcissist partner but the secret to survival in some situations now is to avoid making things worse and causing his wrath to come out until after you are safely gone.
- If your narcissistic partner wants to have a different choice of food for dinner, watch a different show, or behave in his usual control freak manner, you would be smarter to go along with it for now and play the game.
- Keeping yourself and your children safe physically or emotionally is your goal especially in these times of isolation.
It’s frustrating to do what the narcissist wants, but for now, you need to stay calm and avoid arguments when possible. Unless you’re in physical danger, it’s best if you keep walking on eggshells until you can walk out the door. Your number one goal is to be safe.
3 Things to Help You Stay Balanced
Find Some Space For Yourself
Cabin fever is never fun, but it’s worse with a narcissist. The key is to spend as little time with the narc as possible. You might be able to go for a walk around your neighborhood, go out into your backyard or out on the balcony. If you are stuck in the same space, reading a book or texting a friend is a way to offset and distance yourself from abuse. Focus on your breath can give you so much peace within and you can do this anywhere anytime. You can also go into the bathroom and do a few minutes of meditation.
Stay In Contact With a Trusted Friend
Text a friend. Talk to them about what is on your mind, you, your dreams for the future, tell them as much as you can so you can know you are not alone and they might also be able to give you good advice and support if they understand your situation.
Continue to Dream of Your Future
No matter what they can’t take away your hopes and dreams. You always have access to them in your mind. Spend a few minutes when you can be alone and focus on what they are, what your future looks like.
You won’t always be stuck with the narcissist. You have been through one of the hardest parts and that is to identify that you are in an abusive relationship.
This too shall pass, these restrictions will be lifted and soon you will be able to follow through with your plans to leave him. Until then, do the little things that keep you focused on the positive and keep your vibration high. Raising your consciousness and keeping it high will help you so much towards your ability to deal with your narcissistic partner in these troubled times and in your future.
- Repeat a positive affirmation when you find your mind wandering to the negative ( My favorite is ” everything is always working out for me”)
- Light your favorite candle
- Make snacks and treats you love
- Watch funny shows that make you laugh
- Take a walk or even sit outside on your balcony
Look for those little things that you are grateful for every day and before you know it, this WILL be over.
You can do this. I did. If you want my help reach out to me here:
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Love to each of you
Debbi